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Wine (r) 5-6: Relax, you Funky Llama!

July 24, 2010

I was off to the gym to put in a good run in on the elliptical. 10 min walk later up to the door to see the student worker had decided to close up an half hour early. Windy = not thrilled. In the mean time I had been receiving distress texts from my wine co-hort of the last wine blog. This is how I ended up wandering about the wine section of the grocery store.

It was about 10 to 9pm, the closing time of store liquor sales and there it was…a bottle saying Relax.

No, the alcohol was not talking to me, the bottle seriously said Relax:

be calm, my buyer

Seriously, look at it. Its blue, my favorite color. Sleek, calm…soothing silver lettering…Relax…’s like the “Don’t Panic” wine of Hitchhiker’s.

Seeing friends were in distress, I felt this was the least I could do. So I ventured to the front counter.

There was one of my professors.

Not one of the professors I’ve had once and never will again.

Not one of the professors I’d have a few drinks with.

No, this was one I was going to run into everyday of the rest of my college career and really didn’t need to see me walking around with a bottle of wine.

I went into ninja mode.

Not to be seen, nor heard. Stealthily sliding about the aisles of spaghetti sauce and baked beans.

I quickly noted only two of the check out lines were open, those dangerously close to the produce section in which the professor was unknowingly selecting apples. Taking my chances, I dove into the shorter of the two lines. Then the worst senario happened; non-English speakers, translations done through their child.

I checked the other line, it was now empty and closed, leaving me exposed to the elements, spaghetti aisle behind me, and prof now pa-rousing tomato pastes.

As the poor check out girl was attempting communication with the shoppers in front of me and seemed t be coming to a close, I checked the register clock…30….45….50…55…

“Hi! How can I help you?”

“Ahh….I’m sorry…I..err don’t think you can sell me this anymore…”


“It just passed 9.”


“Oh, hm, well, let me call someone!”

“nonono, you really don’t have t–”

“ASSISTANCE TO REGISTER 3,  I repeat ASSISTANCE TO REGISTER 3″ ……”can I help this guy?”

“yes you can help that guy”

There I was, stuck, wine in hand, a line forming behind me, professor right behind them, knowing full well what the “assistance” would say.

“oh where are they …..RITA TO REGISTER 3 PLEASE”

I was not Relaxed.

“Oh there you are, its just past 9 can I? No? Ok *back to me* Sorry.”

“Nono its fine”

*Cue a speedy exit*

Longest  two minutes of my life.

So here we are, today, a new day and a new trip post hair cut to the grocery. Co-hort along, the elusive Relax pinned, mid-day in one hand, box of strawberries in the other. Only commentary from a random middle aged chap: “Oh, wine and strawberries! Where are we going?” on the pass by.

Because lets be honest, who wouldn’t want to follow two cute chicks with wine and strawberries?

Relax Riesling, is not quite a Starling Castle Riesling, but for the selling cost a little cheaper,  ($7-8) its a cheap and tastey way to relax.

Co-hort went the other route and picked up a Funky Llama, 2009 chardonnay:

Dance! llama! Dance!

This is not a drink for chuggers.  Its got a funky zing and demands to be sipped and enjoyed, possibly danced with.

I’d recommend the Tango, right with its Argentinian roots.

How you’d feel after drinking these: Like a chill Llama, warm and fuzzy

How you should drink these: from the funnest, mod-est glasses you own.

What they will not do: Make you a grocery store  ninja.

**though, my prof did not spot me 🙂

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